tings are going down hills and im gonna BURST soon.

sometimes i really wonder why tings happen so suddenly? just send baby leonard to mrt station. last nite ting happen dat make me really broke down . sometime i really wonder why do i give in to hym ? isit becos i really love hym ? alot of ppl tell me he is getting too much .. infact, i dint ever had i guy lyk hym he is way to strict. i ask my korkor cheesheng does he treat his ex thesame wae. and my kor reply is YES . i really wonder how can poh suan tolerrate? i really take my hats of her.. maybe i dun love hym as much as she does? i dunnoe .tis will alwaes be a question mark. while talking to korkor girlfren outside leonard hse, i hust had the urgue to cry it out . but.i choose to hold bac my tears . i dunn wan hym to noe ..actual fact is iim afraid dat leonard saw.he hates it when his girlfren cry.but still in the middle of the nite, when he is slping, i called korkor but kor dint ans.after awhile he called bac. i asked hym to pass the fone to his girlfren and i spoke to her. at dat point of tyme i couldnt hold it any longer. i broke down. till now i still believe dat he will change for me. but isit able to come true? i doubr now.. i tried so hard to make myself forget the pain dat he once gave me.. he sae he lost his trust in me and wanting me to gain it bac. but i really wonder does he noes wad im having in mind? no he doesnt he nv will understand me .. in a relationship, TRUST is alwes the top piority.isnt it ? but it seem dat tis doesnt apply to out relationship. have i really given in too much ? im really at a lost. and noone i could talk to . i love hym i really do . but does he noes dat his every action toward me cuts mr thru my heart ? i just have to tell myself yes he love me more den i loves hym.im lucky. but still i cant stop myself frm doubting tis .. is he over controlling me? to hym i noe he dun tink so but does he noes to me its a yes. im feeling very lonely.. no frens standing by me. just becos his strictness i lost every ting . my FREEDOM dat i at last gain it back .. i noe i have tp stay strong in order to continue my journey if i wanna carry on walking with hym .